I like to think I’m doing really well at being a professional adult what with all my organized lesson plans and creative teaching strategies but then I realize that I have spent my planning period eating strawberry Pop-Tarts trying to work “Supernatural” into today’s lesson and that I literally argued with a kid about the WWE heavyweight title yesterday.

If you think I’m one of those actual legitimate English teachers who instructs her students on useful things, you’re dead wrong.

I just teach them how to use D&D character alignments.

Having way too much fun coming up with assignment titles for my students.

Keep in mind that me and my mother have an unusually good relationship.  We’re closer than most parents with kids in their early-twenties.  We’ve had our issues in the past, but for the most part we get along and function really well. But as much as I love her, we still have our issues from time to time. And when we do, they’re kind of massive.

So I think my mother might be passive-aggressively wanting me to forgo grad school plans. As it stands now, I won’t be in school next semester— I’ll only be working, saving up money, and doing all my grad school applications. The semester after that I’ll actually be in grad school. 

My mother thinks that it’s going to cost her money to put me through grad school. If I can apply and gain an assistantship (which I’m pretty sure I can) my entire grad school tuition will be paid for. My person life stuff (rent. groceries, gas) I’m almost positive I can handle on my own.  So the dream plan right now is that all of that will happen and it’ll be (mostly) easy sailing.

But she doesn’t see it that way. I think part of it is the fact that she sees grad school as unnecessary and frivolous.  She just wants me to be able to get a job as soon as possible. Not because she wants me out of her hair— I understand that— but because she worries about me and my future and she wants me to be able to be stable and have a good life.  But she also knows that I want to go to grad school. She knows that I am made for grad school. She knows that I can reach my full potential in grad school. I’m not meant to stop at a bachelor’s degree— I’m graduating in May and I’m not even excited or proud of it. I’m just…impatiently waiting for that next step.

Honestly, I would be happy running the comic book shop.  If there were ever the chance that I could run a separate shop in another city, I would do it in a heartbeat. And I’d love it.  But to my mother, that’s not a “legitimate career.” It’s a job.  And I’m still that kid who wants to please her mother above everything else. I couldn’t bear thinking that I’ve disappointed her by going to college and then doing nothing with my degree. 

I’ve never failed in my life. Ever. That’s part of the reason she’s hard on me. Because that’s all either of us have ever known. I don’t know how to handle failure and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t know how to handle my failure. She does not know how to have a less than perfect child. And that scares me sometimes.

I’ve talked to her about it but when I do she just tells me, “Do what you want to do, baby” but will then launch into how she’s having trouble paying everything already because of my dad’s hospital bills, my grandparents’ land taxes, and everything else.  It’s basically, to me, saying, “You can do this if you want but it’s going to kill me, financially.” I don’t want to use the word, “guilt trip,” but that feels like it’s exactly what it is.

I love my mother. I really, really do. I make her sound like a horrible person but she’s not. I understand that she’s heavily burdened right now with all of our financial troubles. I understand that and I try to do my best to help out and sacrifice. But I don’t want to sacrifice my future and my dreams because of this. And I feel selfish and useless because I won’t do the “grown-up thing” and put all of that away to do what’s right.

It’s like that Peter Pan quote: “We put our dreams away in a drawer. And sometimes late at night we take them out and admire them” I don’t want that to be me.

I don’t know what I should do. I could start applying for jobs and hope that something comes along. Worse case scenario, I turn it down to go to grad school.  But I just really don’t know.

So any thoughts? I’m always up for advice on how to handle pretty much anything. 

I am such a good test-maker.

So I have this one student that just really grates on my nerves. 

And it’s not even her fault.

She does this thing where anytime she asks me a question (and she asks a whole lot of questions) she’ll preface it by going—

“Ummm…well…umm…uhhh…well, like, I’m not sure if this is right but…ummm…uhhhh…like…sooo…ummmm…(stumbles through her question with a few more ‘likes’ and ‘uhhs/umms’)”

I know it’s not the girl’s fault— you can tell she gets embarrassed when she does it— but it seriously takes her almost two whole minutes just to ask a simple question and it always leads to either A.) She gets so caught up that she forgets what she was trying to ask or B.) It takes up a needless amount of precious class time.

I’ve tried pulling her aside and telling her, “Look, before you ask me a question, just stay calm, collect yourself, think about what you have to say, remember that there are no stupid questions, have confidence in what you’re about to ask, and then ask me.” 

But even after talking to her one-on-one, she still hasn’t improved. I mean, again, I realize it’s not her fault but part of me wants to grab her, shake her, pull a Cher and tell her to SNAPOUTOFIT, and make her pose questions with confidence. But I know that can’t happen.

I mean, I wish I could do something to fix it because, damn, it’s just…it grates on me, y’know? Any advice out there? 

This student knows what’s really up with being the Doctor— red-headed Scottish chicks, that’s what.

This was one of my student’s answers to the questionnaire I sent home with them.

This is from a handout they gave us at the seminar on “social networking as a teacher.” It’s a list of things employers frown upon seeing on your Facebook.

Let’s just talk a second about how, as an educator, you’re more likely to get in trouble or even fired for posting inappropriate photos (the example given was as mild as a bikini picture from your day at the beach— noticed they focused in on the female teachers) or alluding to the fact that you drink than you are because you made discriminatory comments or lied about your qualifications. 

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t care what you drink or wear outside of school because that is your own time and personal life and it— say it with me now— has no bearing on how you do your job.

However, you cannot be “part-time racist or prejudiced.” That is not something you just turn off and leave at the door when you come to work in the morning.

I cannot deal with the “ethical standards” because they are such total B.S.  

my personal life has no bearing on how I do my job

my personal life has no bearing on how I do my job

My personal life has NO bearing on how I do my job.

My personal life has NO bearing on how I do my job.

My person life has NO BEARING on HOW I DO MY JOB.

MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NO BEARING ON HOW I DO MY JOB.

MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NO BEARING ON HOW I DO MY JOB.

MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NO BEARING ON HOW I DO MY JOB.

MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NO BEARING ON HOW I DO MY JOB.